This moment is all we have

Not dead...

2011-07-13T14:36:00.000-05:00

Dreaming

2010-12-02T18:53:00.001-06:00

And... I'm back. Again.

That's saying a lot from a guy whos last post was months ago, and it was called "The Comeback." When I wrote that post, I truly meant to update my blog more often, and to cross post it to Facebook, and all that junk.

Then I kind of quit again, so maybe right after this post I'll be gone for a few months.

Who knows.

Here is what I do know: life is pretty awesome.

For all the headaches we have, for all the bouts of sleepiness and laziness, and not reaching our true potential, the journey we are on is such a beautiful thing - if only we took the time every once in a while to appreciate it.

And so here I am, tired, and a bit stressed. There's so much going on that, at times, I find it hard to breathe.

But then I see my boy, and he radiates hope.

I touch my wife's hand, and her warm love lets me know that I am never alone.

I kiss my mother and father on their cheeks and realize every moment I have with them is a gift.

I help a student at school, and I know that I can, at times, make a difference.

As people we always seem to be reaching for something more, trying to attain some largely abstract dream that will make us happy if only we can only ever get there.

And then there's times when you realize that you're living the dream, right now. In this very moment.

The Comeback

2010-09-28T20:33:00.003-05:00

Went out taking pictures with my bro, Zach.
Here is what we found.

Unexpected

2010-06-26T13:11:00.001-05:00

What an amazing thing to wake up and find outside your front window.

Cuteness Central

2010-06-24T22:12:00.001-05:00

Cutting Cables

2010-05-22T23:05:00.002-05:00

We canceled cable. It's kind of weird, actually, after all these years of being connected to dozens and dozens of channels...

Even when C and I had an apartment, we had "cheap" cable, which meant we had channels 1-28. All it meant was that we watched the HGTV network all the time, and I was bored with everything they had.

Then, of course, when we moved into our home, we ordered the regular schedule of cable channels. 1-70 or so, and some high def ones.

For years that's what we had, but when Logan was born, we decided we didn't want our son addicted to television. At least not so early in his life.

The transition hasn't been that difficult, even though I thought it would be. Tonight, after Casey went to bed, I briefly had forgotten we got rid of cable. I thought about turning on ESPN to see what was up in the world of sports.

I chuckled when I realized we didn't have ESPN any longer - and I suprised myself when I realized I didn't really care. .That I was, in fact, relieved that we didn't.

Because most of what we see on cable sucks. It's all driven by commercials... loads and loads of commercials that I could truly do without.

So right now, I'm going to grab a book (Stephen King's Under the Dome) and read a story to end the night. A small part of me still cares about Favre's surgery and what it means for the next NFL season... a small part of me still wants to watch the History channel in the guise that it might make me smarter... and part of me still wants mindless entertainment.

Yet that part of me is slowly dying, and I'm pretty happy about it. I can only hope to show Logan that there is much more to this life than television and commercials...

This New World

2010-05-06T16:33:00.002-05:00

I remember being in some sort of heated discussion with someone, and they ask me, "Do you have kids?" I would say "no," and then they'd say, "Well then, wait till you have kids. Then you'll understand."

Although that would make me angry beyond all comprehension, to the point of stammering and cursing, I think I might...

just maybe...

realize that they were right.

Fatherhood makes a difference.

Case in point: the mothers and fathers who make up the movement against vaccines because of the fear that vaccines somehow can cause autism.

At one point before Logan was born, I was full of hate for these people. I just couldn't understand how they could be so selfish, so fearful, and completely ignorant of the science behind vaccines.

So today I showed some of my students a Frontline video about the topic. I watched it with completely new eyes, and with a sense of compassion I have never had before.

I still disagree with them. Vaccines are safe more than 99% of the time, and they have done far more good than harm... but I now have much more empathy for the parents.

Having a child simply makes every decision in life more important and meaningful. I would stop at nothing to make sure my child is safe - possibly including putting others at risk (as I believe the parents who do not vaccine their children do). I know it's not, perhaps, the right thing to do, but I'd do it for my son. I'd sacrifice the world for him. Fight against anything for him.

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and Casey and I took Logan to the park. He was amazed by the world, and I tried to look at what he was seeing. The same trees I have seen a thousand times took on a new meaning, and I was imagining what he must be looking at. He saw birds, animals, and children playing. Leaves and grass and twigs and fields. He saw the sun fading as it drifted away - and they were all wonders to him.

The world seemed that much more wonderful to me, and made me fiercely promise to protect him, to teach him, and to love him beyond anything I thought I was capable of.

Fatherhood makes a difference.

Yep...

2010-05-01T05:21:00.001-05:00

He's still a super cutie...

Kick Ass

2010-04-18T08:36:00.003-05:00

Ok. So birthdays aren't usually that big of a deal with me. Mostly I just like hanging out with Casey and having the chance to pick where I want to go out and eat with my family. Fun stuff and all, but no big deal. Mostly just another excuse to over-eat slothfully.

But yesterday was different. It was my first birthday with my son, and I really can't describe how incredible it was... and I didn't even get birthday cake!

For the most part, C and I have been crazy busy lately. With photo jobs, school, and real life always getting in the way, we haven't had the chance to really just hang out and be a family. My birthday we decided to do that.

Every moment of yesterday, all day and night, was absolutely wonderful. We had an amazing breakfast, where Logan just smiled at everyone and made beautiful noises. We went out and shopped. Casey gave me a few amazing gifts. Logan napped in my arms. We went out to eat, and after dropping Logan off at my sister's, we saw that Kick-Ass movie. It was an amazing day.

The one lasting memory I have is when we did the photo booth at the mall. The quality of the photo is terrible, but it's probably going to be one of the most important photographs I've ever had taken in my lifetime:

So yeah - yesterday was amazing... and today I can reflect on the lucky and joyous life I have.

Color

2010-04-12T22:38:00.004-05:00

My wife had an art show tonight, after months of documenting a local group of community members in a workshop format.

This is a small part of her show.

She came home exhausted, especially after spending countless hours putting things together and getting things ready over the last week.

I just hope she knows how amazing she is. I want her to see the beauty and truth she brings to the world through her photography, and the power she has to move people.

Take a rest, sweetie... you deserve it. Love our little boy and smile at the wonder of our happy, amazing life.

Logan's Giggle

2010-04-08T06:49:00.002-05:00

Trying

2010-03-17T13:01:00.005-05:00

Time is so short right now... I know I'm just making excuses, but I find it hard to even log in on my computer upstairs...

Anyway, as I try to get inspired, I ran this blog into wordle, and got this:

It made me smile.

Mr. Smiles

2010-02-15T20:10:00.001-06:00

This is my life... and I love it.

- He's scared of those guns...

- Learning how to box...

- Showering his mother with smiles.

Inspiration

2010-01-28T10:13:00.004-06:00

Howard Zinn died yesterday. He is one of the most important figures in my life, as his words and actions have helped to shape my entire world view.

He was much more than a historian or activist, as he lived his life in a way that I will always envy.

Although he has always had his enemies - people who have called him a traitor, liar, and much worse - I would hope that even those in disagreement with his views would respect a man who lived in service of others, sacrificing his own safety and time with family to try to make the world a better, more peaceful place.

I remember being younger and reading A People's History. I was in awe of the work. My entire life, I had only read history through the voices of those in power. In education, we only see a narrow viewpoint: those of the victors or those in power who have always attempted to write history to make themselves look better. Zinn wanted to give voice to the forgotten - the "regular" people who have shaped this world in much more powerful ways than any politician could ever do.

Zinn's words were what inspired me to become more active in my own education. He opened my eyes to see that regular people have more of a place in history than any politician or general. He made me feel hope for my students, and the possibilities of of them changing the world. I have gotten older and have become much more knowledgeable about history, and I have found many ways I disagree with Zinn. Yet even if I don't always side with everything he has said, I still find his conviction powerful and important.

He made me realize, for instance, that the civil rights movement wasn't created by politicians. Politicians, if left to their own, would have been perfectly happy in keeping with the racist traditions that is so embarrasing to our past. Instead, he showed that regular people stood up and fought for true justice. He showed that there was power within us all... and that only when there were people storming the streets and refusing to obey corrupt laws... only then did politicians get serious about real change.

He has given me hope for this mad, violent, disturbing world we live in.

I'm going to end this post with his last published work - written for The Nation discussing Obama's first year in office. Again - I don't always agree with everything he writes, but I respect the man for making me re-evaluate my own thoughts, and for always fighting to make this world a better place.

Howard Zinn (on Obama's first year):

I' ve been searching hard for a highlight. The only thing that comes close is some of Obama's rhetoric; I don't see any kind of a highlight in his actions and policies.

As far as disappointments, I wasn't terribly disappointed because I didn't expect that much. I expected him to be a traditional Democratic president. On foreign policy, that's hardly any different from a Republican--as nationalist, expansionist, imperial and warlike. So in that sense, there's no expectation and no disappointment. On domestic policy, traditionally Democratic presidents are more reformist, closer to the labor movement, more willing to pass legislation on behalf of ordinary people--and that's been true of Obama. But Democratic reforms have also been limited, cautious. Obama's no exception. On healthcare, for example, he starts out with a compromise, and when you start out with a compromise, you end with a compromise of a compromise, which is where we are now.

I thought that in the area of constitutional rights he would be better than he has been. That's the greatest disappointment, because Obama went to Harvard Law School and is presumably dedicated to constitutional rights. But he becomes president, and he's not making any significant step away from Bush policies. Sure, he keeps talking about closing Guantánamo, but he still treats the prisoners there as "suspected terrorists." They have not been tried and have not been found guilty. So when Obama proposes taking people out of Guantánamo and putting them into other prisons, he's not advancing the cause of constitutional rights very far. And then he's gone into court arguing for preventive detention, and he's continued the policy of sending suspects to countries where they very well may be tortured.

I think people are dazzled by Obama's rhetoric, and that people ought to begin to understand that Obama is going to be a mediocre president--which means, in our time, a dangerous president--unless there is some national movement to push him in a better direction.

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20100201/forum/6

Time

2010-01-07T13:20:00.003-06:00

Lately, my wife and I haven't had much time together. Life is good - but crazy. I get home from school, get some dinner, and then take over baby duty as Casey goes to sleep.

We pass each other by, with barely time for moments between us... but our love is just as wonderful as ever - perhaps more so now that we have an amazing son to be in awe of every day.

Yesterday I had a snow day from school, and Casey surprised me with cookies and milk.

Good times... and makes me think of her doing the same for our boy someday, as we all have a snow day together.

Although I didn't think it possible, I love my wife even more now that we have a child. How can my heart be big enough for all this love?

(Below is a shot of me on a snow day with my boy and a cat. Life is good.)

Bonus Days

2009-12-10T10:38:00.002-06:00

I've been off of school for three days now due to a massive snowstorm that swept into the area. It's given me tons of bonus time with my wife and son, and we've spent the time still getting to know the little guy.

Being first-time parents is just crazy. We have no clue what we're doing... but we're slowly learning and getting into a routine. You'd think that we'd be taking photos around-the-clock... and while we have taken some, we'd honestly rather sleep or clean up when we have a few moments. Washing the dishes and clothes has taken on a new priority in life...

Here are a few updated photos:

New eyes

2009-11-21T12:23:00.004-06:00

Everything I've ever written.

Everything I've ever said.

My perspective of it all... has changed.

I'm so proud, so lucky, so amazed to share this world with my wife... and now this little boy.

Born November 20th, at 11:14 - Logan Martin Zegelis.

Sometimes, this is how Fall feels...

2009-11-13T07:35:00.000-06:00

Breaking

2009-10-22T20:04:00.002-05:00

Chris Jordan is a photographer I admire greatly. His skill and dedication to his craft is stunning, not to mention the fact that his photographs contribute to the world around us.

I was surfing some of my photography sites when I noticed a link to a new set of his photographs...

I didn't want to look at them once I knew what the subject matter was... but it must be the power of his photographs that drew me to look closely at every one...

See for yourself here:

http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=11

I look around me in my room full of stuff and... realize that there is a price to be paid.

I don't believe in the divine. I don't believe in prophecy. But who can look at this world and not feel that something is deeply and horribly wrong? This world is damaged - and it's much worse than just global warming and the buzzwords we hear on television.

And yet it's my fault... mine for believing that the dollar I paid for the soda I bought today was really what it cost. Chris Jordan opened my eyes.

Bandit

2009-10-20T17:43:00.001-05:00

I just love this shot... so I thought I'd share.

Roads

2009-10-07T17:35:00.002-05:00

In less than two months I'll be a father... at 34 years of age.

What will my son think of me when he's older?

What legacy will I leave him?

The road I'm taking is the one most traveled.

I don't want to be that Dad...

This moment

2009-09-19T07:23:00.011-05:00

This is the story of a football team, of a coach and his staff, and of a student body and community all coming together for one night to win a football game.

Last Tuesday night, a football player passed away - a young man who brought smiles to everyone around him, and was by all accounts one of the most popular and loving students at the school.

I can't describe the pain I saw in the students, teachers, and coaches. I won't even try.

What I can do, is tell a small part of a much larger story of what I consider one of the most important events in school history.

My wife and I had a wedding to shoot, so I arrived late - the last few minutes of the game with Benson trailing Westside 15-19. Even when they were down, this team believed.

Because their football coach believed.

This is the play where we scored the go-ahead touchdown, pre-snap.

And this is the score - a fumble in the end zone, recovered for a touchdown.

The crowd roared like I've never heard before, the student body crowded together shoulder-to-shoulder, realizing they were a part of something special.

Yet with time remaining, and the point-after blocked, all Westside needed was a field goal to win. The next few chaotic minutes were agonizing as Westside returned the kickoff to mid-field and actually looked like they might have a chance to kick.

But on fourth down Westside couldn't convert. Benson wins.

After the game, the emotionally and physically drained players and coaches came together, tearfully sharing a moment none of them will ever forget.

"If I coach one more year, or five years, or ten years, or fifty years," coach Heuertz said, "There will never be a win that means as much to me as this one."

This is the story of a football team, and a community, and a school that came together on one night to win a football game - and to heal. It speaks to the power of football in this country - the undeniable spirit and strength in young people - and of the power of a coach and his staff to be role models for the entire community. They took an incredibly painful hit, but got back up and won a game. They took the loss of a player and helped to heal an entire school.

This blog is named "This moment is all we have" and there has never been a moment when I realized it more than after the game, when the coach hugged his little girl.

Every moment is a chance to do something great. Every moment is ours to live to the fullest. Every moment is a chance to grow and be a better person. Every moment is precious because we don't know how many more we might have.

GI Joe and Dad

2009-08-07T13:48:00.003-05:00

Today I was 12 years old.

Today I took my father to see GI Joe on the big screen, more than 20 years after I spent a good amount of my childhood playing with the toys and reading the comics, savoring the wild imagination those toys brought to my life.

When I was young, my dad and I would always go to the comic book shops and look for the back issues of the GI Joe comics I had missed. He did it because he thought they'd be worth a fortune (they're not), and I did it because it was fun, and because collecting comics was something I could do with my dad. And the toys? Endless hours were lost with those toy Joes battling the legion of Cobra.

Some day I will miss my father, but I'll always have this morning, when I picked him up and just told him we were going to the comic store. He laughed when we arrived at the theater to see GI Joe, but he hugged me close when I told him we were seeing the movie with closed captioning (he's deaf, so usually going to the movies sucks).

It was just so much fun. At at least a dozen points in the movie he laughed out loud, and asked me, "how do they think up these things?

For just a little bit, I felt like I was 12 years old with my dad, and the love I felt for him in the theater was that innocent love of a son's. My dad has always had flaws, and although I knew that when I was younger, I loved him fiercely, and unlike so many people out there - that fierce love was returned.

Today my dad and I both smiled as Snake Eyes came to life to battle Storm Shadow - in all its glorious ridiculousness, both ninjas battling with lightning speed, using swords, shurikens, guns, and fists. It reminded me of a much simpler time, where the good guys were good because they always did the right thing, and the bad guys were bad because they were just plain evil.

I felt like a kid in a comic shop, sharing a timeless moment with his father.

It's so surreal to think that soon I will be a father, and maybe someday in the far future, after we're both a lot older, he'll look back at his life and love me like he did when he was a kid.

Cinematic

2009-07-30T16:56:00.003-05:00

I've always wanted to do something like this, and last night I finally had the opportunity. Me and my buddy, fellow photographer Scott Cozad (check out his stuff here: www.scottcozad.com) met two awesome models, Jennifer and Chris, in downtown Omaha for a sweet photo session.

My goal: simplify everything with one lens (the 85mm 1.2L), shoot high ISO, use all-natural light (easy with the overcast sky we had), and try to do some "storytelling" shots. The whole point was to make the shots look like stills from a movie, so I cropped them to 16x9 (the aspect ratio of most movies in theaters), and came up with some Photoshop magic that would make the photos look more unique and organic - almost like something out of the golden age of cinema.

Doing something like this was just insanely fun, and creatively inspiring. Before I left the house I was thinking of bringing several lenses and maybe even another camera. I was so concerned that I would want to go wider than the narrow field of view of the 85mm, but I finally threw it all back on the counter (except for the 70-200... which pretty much goes everywhere with me on any shoot). In this way I was able to really just focus on being creative and have some fun. My mind only focused on the equipment I had in my hands, and how to make that work with the models. I didn't have to break my thought process apart to include the possibility of other lenses, and it really made me work with what I had.

The models were just spectacular, bravely climbing derelict stairs (some of them completely missing!) and running around as Scott and I shot away. Jennifer shook off leg cramps as she tried to stay in awkward positions, and Chris threw in lots of ideas for all of us.

Now... these aren't perfect, and I already know what I need to do for next time. I will really push the entire cinematic feel by remembering that the 16x9 crop ratio forces me to crop out some of the photo, and I wont be able to shoot vertically (some great photos wouldn't work with this series because I shot them vertically). I also won't shoot at high ISO, simply because my method for "cinematicizing" them in photoshop adds all the grain I'd need.

So - enjoy!

Reasons

2009-07-18T09:14:00.006-05:00

This shot was from yesterday's wedding, taken with the origianl 5D and 24-104 f/4L. I love the shot - the bride against the sky - and as she walked to the stairs, I could hear her family whispering, gasping, and crying. I deliberately pulled back and went wide to show the entire location, and to purposely view the scene as the crowd must have witnessed it.

I get caught up in moments like these, and I remember back to my own wedding day, and how wonderfully perfect the day was. Yet even so, my memory of the event is difficult to grasp - there is simply too much going on at any given time to focus on the small moments. That's our job.

This shot is a moment in time probably forgotten by the bride, as she's dealing with all kinds of emotions and the relentless passing of time.

The wedding was filled with love, genuine joy, and boundless energy all around. If only ALL weddings were as filled with the "good stuff" as this one.

The Dark Empire

2009-07-16T06:51:00.004-05:00

I'm almost finished reading John Taylor Gatto's new book, Weapons of Mass Instruction. It's good stuff picking apart public education. He seems like a very angry man, raging against the institution he was part of for over 30 years. He won tons of awards, and the year he was New York's teacher of the year - he quit. He said he couldn't, in the words of John Stewart as he berated CNN, continue "hurting America."

He sees much of the same thing that I see as I teach: an institution so far gone down the hole of of bureaucracy there's no way out. To Gatto, the entire public education system is totally beyond salvation - the only way to fix it would be to destroy the whole system. Unplug the Matrix, in other words...

There is quite a bit of truth to what he says. Some of the stuff that goes on in public education is just pure insanity. For instance, we received an email not long ago telling all teachers that we were FORBIDDEN to bring in our personal laptops into the schools. At all - for any reason.

Now... that's just a bit stunning, if you ask me. We're already crippled enough, but they want to tell professional educators that we can't bring in a laptop on the grounds of network security? You are telling trained professionals that our judgement can't be good enough to know that we shouldn't bring in a computer full of viruses and put them on the school's network?

It makes me crazy - the same crazy I get when I have to fill out a form for every movie I want to show my kids. The same crazy I get when I want to show the students legitimate and worthwhile websites (cutting edge documentary journalism, for instance) - but I can't because the websites are all blocked. The same crazy I get when they try to tell us at the beginning of our careers that we should be careful of "touching" students, even if it's a pat on the back or high five, because you don't want to get sued.

They call us professional educators, but we aren't always treated that way... and it's frustrating as hell... although I'm in nowhere near the situation Gatto found himself in. He describes constant battles with administrators bent on keeping the status quo. I'm lucky to teach in a school where creativity is encouraged and teaching outside-the-box is rewarded. My principal has tried to get us away from memorization and notes and instead get our students to work in the community and solve problems - very cutting edge stuff.

And while I'm not finished with the book, and he could come to a different conclusion, this seems to be his idea: we have to destroy the current system to start something new and that actually works (something he calls open source education).

I won't get too in-depth into his well researched and compelling arguments, but he basically says that the entire public education system is actually MADE to dumb us down. Keep us in line. Make us more worried about memorizing (to prepare us for stupid office jobs) than actually coming up with creative solutions (which would challenge the status quo).

One of his recurring arguments is that we have gone backwards: there is less literacy now than many years ago, even though we put MORE money into education than ever.

His arguments are compelling, and I'm honestly not going to challenge him. I agree with much of what he says about the system overall, although my own personal experience is much more liberating and hopeful.

Maybe after 30 years in the system I'll share Gatto's conclusion - but right now I'm doing quite a bit of good work, even if I am limited sometimes by what I can accomplish.

For me teaching is the greatest challenge of my life. It's HARD, time consuming, mentally exhausting work. We're asked to juggle so many responsibilities - it's enough to drive someone mad.

And although I can see some of the students going crazy in a system that's just not made for them, I can't turn my back on them. I'm there not just to teach the students how to read and write, but also how to face this unfair, crazy world with dignity. I'm there to help them make sense of a world gone mad, even as I try to sort it all out myself.

Maybe Gatto found that he could do more outside the system than he can inside it - but right now there's no other place I'd rather be.

School is merely weeks away, and I can't wait to get in there with all the craziness called High School and try to help some students survive it all. I've had some failures, but the successes make it all worthwhile.

One of my successes, just as I was reading one of the last chapters of the book and I was feeling sorry for the world, called me and asked me a question about the Declaration of Independence she was working on for college. I helped her out, we laughed and joked for a bit, and then I told her to call me back if she needed anything else.

She graduated from my school years ago, but she almost didn't... and I have to take at least some credit for helping her get to the point where she was able to walk across that stage. Gatto would say that the battle wasn't worth it - that dropping out is better than graduating (he has an entire chapter devoted to people who drop out and are better off for it) - but he wasn't there. He didn't see the smile and tears on her face. He didn't receive the hug and the thank you that made my entire teaching career worth it.

So although I agree with much of what Gatto has to say - I am not ready to give up. I'm not here to challenge, destroy, or change the system as he seems to have a mission to do - I'm here for the students and to help them live better lives.

For now - for me - that's enough.

Existence

2009-07-15T09:20:00.003-05:00

This photo is one I snapped this summer and haven't really looked at, but I thought it was pretty cool. I have lots of photos in my archives that basically just sit on the computer - doing nothing. I need to give some of these photos "life" somehow... making a book, having a show, or just printing physical copies of some of them.

It begs the question: does a photo on a hard drive really even exist?

Tips

2009-07-05T19:22:00.004-05:00

From Latvian photographer Ivars Gravlejs:

"A lot of people think that for a good picture is enough to buy an expensive camera and success will be guaranteed. But without careful studying and many years of practice a good picture is possible to make only by accident.
Once you decide to photograph, think carefully what you want to picture, do not forget about the composition and lightening, do not get upset, relax and concentrate on the subject."

He then goes on to give you 78 more rules for photographers to follow. CLASSIC STUFF.

This is rule # 20:

The rest: http://gawno.com/2009/05/78-photography-rules/

Nice!

2009-06-28T22:10:00.001-05:00

Ok... so I know the crops aren't right and all that - but give me a break. This is from yesterday's wedding, and I didn't get too in depth with the photos yet.

I put this together to prove that I really... really... really love the 85mm 1.2 lens. These shots are absolutely brilliant - the only changes to them at all were white balance. These are straight out of the camera, and each one has some razor sharp focus.

Definitely a good purchase.

Anatomy of a lens purchase part II

2009-06-26T17:15:00.010-05:00

OK. So - in good light, the 50 1.4 from Sigma just didn't cut it professionally. It seemed like it was focusing - but when I got home from the wedding, about half of the photos taken with that lens were blurry - either back or front focused. Sometimes just plain soft.

Again - in good light it was fine. But as professional wedding photographers, we need equipment that can keep up with our demands, and we shoot in some intimidating situations. Luckily, since I knew I was just testing it, I only took about 20-30 photos with it. This photo, for instance, was in a pretty easy-to-focus situation. It wasn't even that dark - yet the Sigma just didn't focus, and even when it did, 1.4 just wasn't sharp enough, as evident in the following photograph.

(In this situation, the Sigma should have performed fine. There is a well-established position the bride is in as she's in the receiving line and not moving dramatically at all. Yet the lens just didn't lock focus.)

So - I sent the lens back and immediately purchased a professional low-light lens: Canon's 85mm 1.2 L. Unfortunately, it was more than three times the price of the sigma... but I guess that's what I get for trying to save some money. Although I should have known it before (from all my other lens purchases) - sometimes you really do get what you pay for.

The 85mm 1.2 - it's HEAVY. Much heavier than I thought it would be. But I'll take the weight since it gives me such incredibly beautiful pictures.

Correcting the mistake I made with the Sigma, I immediately tested the lens in poor lighting. It was spot-on. Almost every shot was focused in very poor light (like ISO 1600, f/1.2 and 1/80, for instance). I won't bore you with those photos, all extremely boring (yet focused!).

And then this morning my wife and I visited the Omaha Botanical Gardens - and I was able to witness just how special the 85mm 1.2 is in good light. The bokeh (the "look" or feel of out-of-focus background elements in a photograph) was creamy and smooth. The color and contrast were brilliant straight out of the camera, and the detail it rendered at these large apertures was truly unbelievable - perhaps better even than the 35mm 1.4.

Here is a 100% crop of a frog we found at the Gardens -

It's at f/2 - and the detail, color, and contrast is fantastic.

The next photo was taken at f.1.2. The plane of focus is almost like a razor's edge!

And isn't that background blur beautiful?

These photos aren't earth shattering compositions. I'm well aware of this - but for me they are exciting because they tell me that the extra money spent was well worth it. I was purposely putting the camera in difficult situations (where critical focus was very hard to achieve), but it passed the tests with flying colors.

Even so - these really aren't real-world tests. I bought this lens for weddings - where a person's movement is unreliable and quick. Even the slightest movement could render a person's face blurry, as the plane of focus is just insanely narrow (at least at f/1.2). However - I have already pushed the lens much harder than I did when I got the Sigma, and I feel confident going into tomorrow's wedding.

Here are a few more from the past few days, almost all of them testing out the focus at f/1.2:

Anatomy of a lens purchase

2009-06-19T08:07:00.004-05:00

My wife steals my lenses. I remember how thrilled I was when I bought Canon's legendary 35mm 1.4L lens. You couldn't get the lens off my camera - and every shot taken with the lens just had a magical quality to it.

Then my wife used it and took it forever.

My other super-low-light lens, the 85mm 1.8, was also a winner. However, my wife noticed she needed something a little longer and with a wider aperture than what she was using... and so the 85mm was hers.

During the last wedding we were at, I realized how crippled I was without a wide-aperture lens. The ceremony was dark. REALLY dark, and I was shooting with the 70-200 at ISO 3200 and a shutter speed of 1/20. Believe it or not, the photos weren't a blurry mess (largely due to the image stabilization in the lens), and I got some usable shots... but it made me painfully aware that I needed some low-light stuff.

Anyone who searches for a new lens knows it's not an easy process. Every lens out there seems to have a strong list of positives, and a foreboding list of negatives. After a while, I narrowed my search down the the 50mm 1.2L or the 85mm 1.2L, both lenses hitting the wallet at over $1600.

And that's when the doubt settled in. Although I settled on the 85 1.2, I soon canceled the order and retreated from the purchases.

These lenses were just too dang expensive.

And then I stumbled upon some amazing low depth-of-field shots on flickr, and noticed that they were taken with a Sigma lens - Sigma's new 50mm 1.4. I was impressed, and after some research, pulled the trigger and overnighted the lens here (just in time for the wedding this evening).

What you see here are my test shots with it - at a graveyard, which is still my favorite place to test new lenses - all taken at f/1.4. I wanted to test the focus reliability and sharpness of the lens at 1.4, which is where most of these types of lenses breaks down.

I was very happy with the results. Although I'll see how the thing focuses in a wedding-type situation in low light, I was still shocked at how reliable it was at the graveyard, and how much sharpness, contrast, and color rendition the camera was able to give at 1.4. For the price (it was more than a third cheaper), I think I might have made the right choice.

Leaning

2009-06-15T09:00:00.002-05:00

This was just a lucky find, hidden behind some trees. I almost kept driving, thinking it wasn't that big of a deal to stop, but I took a rugged path through the trees, which opened up to this amazing spot.

What a tiny house - looks like a main room in the front, a bedroom, and a bathroom. There was furniture still in the house, and a lot of junk. The way it's leaning, I wouldn't be surprised to see if the next big storm would be the final blow.

This picture is all about the house - the only challenge was to take the photo in a way that showed that it was leaning, but not in a way that would confuse the viewer.

Swaying

2009-06-13T09:17:00.002-05:00

This location was found after some random turns in the country, miles away from any big highway or traffic.

Beautiful.

Milking it

2009-06-12T19:42:00.002-05:00

I'm really milking my photo trip, getting a lot of mileage out of the photos I took over the course of four or five hours.

This photo has tons of detail - and I think it would be a fantastic print if I printed it big.

Essence

2009-06-10T14:20:00.002-05:00

When I got my job teaching photography, and therefore had to learn photography, I would take my camera (a Pentax K1000) and travel through the country roads of Nebraska.

These decaying barns and homes were everywhere - abandoned and left to the environment. They were ripe subject matter for a beginning photographer - and I enjoyed the air of mystery and silence surrounding these plots of land.

Yet I did not yet have my photographic "footing." I had no way to really let the viewer "feel" what I feel when I'm at those locations. I would simply step back and shoot the house, satisfied mostly with getting a good exposure.

Through these years, I think I am finally at the point where I can communicate with my photographs.

At this spot, for instance, I didn't take any photographs of the entirety of the abandoned home. Instead, after walking around the place, I decided that the decayed state of the house wasn't the only story I was trying to tell.

So I stepped back and got low, deciding to use a large aperture for the shallow depth of field, and focused on the grassy land surrounding and taking over.

I think it's a much better, more interesting photo than just showing the house. As I look at it, I imagine what I felt in that spot, standing there in awe of the past, wondering what tales this land could tell of the families and the lives that once lived there.

Details

2009-06-08T09:50:00.002-05:00

This is my final image from the truck I found in Prague, Nebraska. Love the desaturated colors and grain - changing the photo drastically.

I like how all three photos in this series is totally different, yet based on the same location and a dozen or so shots I took. I think all three are of pretty high quality.

Days like that are somewhat rare - when I go out for four or five hours and come back with some really worthwhile stuff. Usually I only get one or two good shots (if I'm lucky) - but on this day I had quite a few.

Nice Gargoyle

2009-06-07T07:32:00.001-05:00

The gargoyle's magic worked... kind of. He cleared the weather, for the most part, but since it was gargoyle magic, he made it hot and humid instead of rainy.

It worked out well, however, as the wedding couple was magically in love, the location was cool, and the shots turned out awesome.

Here's one of the gargoyle, this time modeling the wedding rings.

Castle Unicorn

2009-06-05T18:15:00.003-05:00

Big wedding tomorrow at Castle Unicorn near Glenwood, Iowa. I was immediately in love with these truly evil looking gargoyles. The weather says it might rain... so I tried to whisper to the Gargoyle to throw a little magic our way.

Posting crazy

2009-06-05T15:24:00.001-05:00

I don't know why I go for so long without posting... oh well. Here's another one from the same truck as the last post. I liked both versions. This one I added some grain and desaturated it a bit to get a completely different feel than the last one.

Prague

2009-06-05T06:42:00.004-05:00

Prague, Nebraska is the home to the world's largest Kolache, according to a very faded out sign posted near the town's entrance. It's also home to this cool old truck, left abandoned in a field.

First shot of the day

2009-06-04T06:24:00.004-05:00

Yesterday marked my first summer road trip. I went out at about 8:00 am on a beautiful Nebraska morning, driving west from Omaha for about an hour. Once past Wahoo, I just started criss-crossing the countryside on back roads, having no real idea where I was.

This was the first stop I made, and I grabbed this capture.

Too cute

2009-06-01T07:55:00.004-05:00

There are some things in life that are so cute, you'd be crazy not to photograph them... and this family is one of them.

We first saw the swans and their babies while we were shooting engagements. Since we didn't want to be rude, we waited till the next morning to get back to the park.

Casey fed them bread as I snapped away!

Comparison

2009-05-25T09:14:00.003-05:00

My previous post was of this cafe, but with the details blurred out. The depth of field directed the viewer into the flowers, giving the actual building some mystery.

In this version, I'm focused on the cafe - and it's a drastically different photo. Not only because I used a texture in the previous one, but because the air of mystery is gone. There are many other changes - some very slight. The other version's viewing angle is better - with the lines in the cafe's roof at an angle that helps guide the viewer's eyes through the photo. Overall I find the first version much more pleasing.

However - one might not be better than the other... what matters is which one speaks to me more, and which one is a better representation of what I wanted the photo to be about.

Wait for it...

2009-05-24T18:34:00.002-05:00

I've passed this scene by dozens of times. Literally every time I've ever gone to see my buddy Jeff, this scene rests just a few feet from the highway.

It's an abandoned old cafe, which is just perfect for me and what I like to photograph.

Yet there was never any compelling reason for me to stop - until last night.

A storm was rolling by in the background, which was a perfect way to "pop" the cafe out from the background. Too often the skies have been nearly white, in which case the building would have been lost in the background.

I chose to photograph this from a lower perspective to add some visual interest and to get the flowers in the foreground.

I pre-visualized the photo, and I knew I wanted to use a recently shot texture. This shot was perfect for it - and I'd have to say I really enjoy looking at it.

Good stuff.

Punishing

2009-05-17T21:33:00.004-05:00

I love comics.

Too much.

One month I spent over $250 on them, and was promptly restricted by my wife. Good thing, too - because I could easily spend that much every month.

Yet what I've found, is that I could probably just buy four comics: Batman, Superman (from DC) and Daredevil and Punisher (from Marvel).

All these characters want to do the right thing. They all want to fight injustice. They all want a better world.

But for me? The character I most relate to - is probably the Punisher.

If you know about the comics, you know that Punisher is a dark character... even darker than a guy like Batman. The Punisher is a full-out criminal, as he doesn't just fight injustice, he HURTS people. The Punisher makes them wish the never did what they did, and by providing a measure of pain equal or worse than what the criminals themselves do - he sends out a message to all of the bad guys out there: no matter what you do, I'll find you, and I'll make you pay.

I like that. In this dark world, although I wish we could live in peace and forget violence of any kind, things aren't just black and white. Sometimes I wish there was a guy like the Punisher out there, doing what needs to be done.

I don't feel like this guy...

2009-05-07T07:28:00.002-05:00

Instead, I feel pretty exhausted. The school year has been tough for me, and right now I just want it to be over. The students just haven't had their best year this year, and I can't help but shoulder a large part of the blame, even though I shouldn't.

Next year is already looking good to me - a year filled with possibility and excitement - not only at school, but at home.

I'm 34 - but in many ways my life is just getting started.

32nd

2009-04-22T07:20:00.002-05:00

This is exactly the 32nd photo I took on my first-ever digital camera: a Fuji Finepix 2400zoom. It was 2.1 megapixels, and at the time, that was pretty good.

It's obvious I had no clue. I look at the photos, and I didn't even know what the shutter did, or what an aperture even was.

This photo, though, is pretty cool. A happy mistake that I didn't even remember taking on January 19, 2001.

Screw the rules

2009-04-14T15:34:00.001-05:00

I remember one of my earliest photography books - one of those stuffy ones for college - had a rule that said "Never shoot into the sun."

Yeah... right.

Photos are everywhere

2009-04-06T11:02:00.003-05:00

My wife and I went out to Kansas City for my cousin's 30th birthday party. It was a wild night as we rode around in a SWEET bus/limo, driving around to bars and generally having a blast.

What was cool was that my wife brought the 5D Mark II, and she snapped away all night. I took the camera on a few occasions, and at one point grabbed this shot.

We were outside a way-overly-crowded nightclub, waiting for the party to move on. I looked up outside and saw this cool composition - with all the lines, the reflection, and the colors. I loved it, and I was able to get a cool shot.

This one's shot at ISO 6400 with the 35mm 1.4.

Season Opener

2009-03-30T16:29:00.004-05:00

We had our first wedding Saturday afternoon - the small, intimate wedding of Dustin and Angela.

I forget how intense weddings are. How difficult of a job it really is.

You're always dealing with different lighting situations - sometimes hunting for small slivers of light. Often times you're at light's mercy, since you have to deal with the light that exists and the locations you're hired to shoot.

Automatic modes will crush you. It's manual or die - at least if you want the best possible photograph. The light meter freaks out when it sees those blazing whites of the bride's dress, and the deep black of the groom's tux. Add that to some of the most mixed lighting situations, and you've got to be on your game.

Yet... at its core, after you've got the technical stuff nailed down, wedding photography is about heart and relationships. My wife and I are able to relate to these couples, who are madly in love with one another, and because of that we too get swept up in small moments. Luckily, we're good enough with our cameras and equipment that we don't really have to "think" about our shutter or aperture or anything like that. Instead, we go with instincts and are able to capture all the beautiful moments of the day.

For more photos, check out the blog here: CandJ Blog.

Bravery

2009-03-27T19:23:00.002-05:00

This little girl has a new home. After a rough week with one of my sister's friends, they found out that their current dog just wouldn't accept this new puppy into their lives. Instead of giving her up for adoption, they called my sister - which caused this puppy to win the doggy jackpot.

When we held her, she shook all over. What a life she's already had - being passed around to different homes, away from her brothers and sisters, and away from any sense of true belonging or companionship.

But she has no choice but to face her uncertain world. In that little puppy heart, hope exists.

She will be loved her entire life, and without knowing it make those around her better people.

As Mickey Rourke said, "Sometimes when a man's alone, all you got is your dog, and they meant the world to me."

Experiment Blue

2009-03-27T07:12:00.004-05:00

This was an experiment I did a few years ago. A simple 2-strobe setup with a white background, water in a vase, and blue food coloring. Big deal, right? It's been done before many times.

However, it was never done before by ME.

The thing is - almost everything's been done before. It's not like there's much new to do in photography. Yet why should it stop us from trying stuff out?

Striving for originality should be a goal - but it shouldn't stop us from taking photos, as it sometimes does with me. I will wander around the countryside, barely taking a photo, because, in my head, none of the photographs look original.

What I miss is that every time we open the shutter and sit down and look at our photographs - we learn. We edit. We are better for it.

I need to experiment more - even if it has been done before.

We Miss You

2009-03-26T07:08:00.002-05:00

Photography has made me pay more attention to the world around me - to take notice of these small tokens of love and loss scattered across our country. For me, it's just another thing to photograph. For those who made it, it's something much more.

Each of these sites have many stories to tell. The story of the person lost, as well as the continued stories of those living with that loss.

Right now I am reminded of how lucky I am, and I'm gracious for the life I am living.

Look UP

2009-03-25T17:10:00.001-05:00

I've passed this old sign by dozens of times as I've shot downtown. Sometimes it's enough to just look up, see the beauty in the sky contrasted with the rusted old sign, and take a photo.

I can tell your fortune...

2009-03-24T06:24:00.002-05:00

Or - at the very least - I can say that if you don't bring your camera with you, you can't get this shot.

I'm pretty bad about carrying my camera everywhere. I'm not sure why. I thought it was because the cameras we generally use the most are gigantic DSLRs with really heavy lenses. They aren't much fun to lug around at the mall or grocery store.

We even bought a small Canon G9- which while not exactly a "pocket" camera - does fit nicely in my wife's purse, or even in a smaller camera bag.

Yet I don't always bring that, either.

However, lately I've been better about taking the 5D Mark II with me everywhere I go, and I've gotten some cool photos I probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise. This fortune teller, a new installation at one of our favorite Pizza places (Bene' Pizza and Pasta in Omaha, NE), has some cool colors and amazing eyes.

The camera's depth-of-field is shallow, forcing you right to her eyelashes, and making everything else a creamy mesh of cool colors. It's a fun photo - but one I wouldn't have gotten without keeping the camera with me.

Two yellow lines

2009-03-23T09:46:00.004-05:00

The light fades in the background, leaving the photo with some beautiful, directional light. It shows how important the time of day is when taking photos. It just wouldn't be the same photo at noon, for instance.

We will shoot you

2009-03-21T06:01:00.001-05:00

So... there's a sign. Someone has scratched "WE WILL SHOOT YOU" on it. Likely some punks that have never held a gun in their life - because real guys with guns don't need to scribble stuff like this.

But the photo - is there anything to it?

The answer is: probably not. I mean - you don't need a full DSLR to get this one, right? Although the resolution in the 5D Mark II would allow me to print this thing pretty big and still get some great detail - does this photo NEED to be printed? Would it make a portfolio cut?

Probably not. It's just something I found - something that sparked my interest, and I liked the color of the board. Sometimes that's enough.

Stressing out

2009-03-18T06:09:00.001-05:00

I'm not stressing out (at least not right now - not at this moment) - but my lens is. The 5D Mark II, with its 21 megapixels, is a BEAST. It's the first time I've really noticed some problems with my lenses - especially when wide open.

This photo - ISO 800 - 1/160 - f/2.2 - is pretty cool. I love the texture and the colors, and the slight bit of humor with the "security" sticker on a garage door that obviously is not too secure.

And while I like the photo, it's also an example of how taxing the Mark II is on even the best of lenses. This was taken with the 35 1.4 L, hands-down one of the world's greatest lenses.

What's shocking is that I used to be able to take this photo and have it be acceptably sharp in the corners. Well - I know you really can't get that deep into the photo - but my full-resolution version is VERY soft at all the edges. Razor sharp in the middle - but the edges are mushy.

Not that big of a deal, of course. Some might even LIKE it this way - with darker and blurrier corners, it pushes the eyes of the viewer into the middle.

BUT - it just reminds me that if I need a fully razor sharp photo all the way to the edges, I need to think about lugging a tripod with me (I hate them!), and shooting at slower shutter speeds so I can get my f/stop to above 5.6 or so, when the lens is at it's best. Portraits? I don't care - I'll shoot at 1.4 and be happy because the middle of the photo will be acceptably sharp - but with landscapes and such, when quality and clarity throughout the range of the photo is paramount - I'm going to need to change the way I shoot.

Brick

2009-03-16T19:48:00.001-05:00

Cool photo... no real story behind it. I liked the lighting coming from the setting sun, and wanted to take a picture of it. This is that picture.

Omaha School Supply

2009-03-15T12:26:00.001-05:00

If you look closely at the bottom left corner, it reads: "Omaha School Supply Company." So I guess I'm running with the theme of "photos with signs you can barely read."

Manfred Millwork

2009-03-13T06:06:00.000-05:00

I love the faded out spot where the old sign used to be. What makes this photo, though, for me, is the way the graffiti is such a contrast to those old, carefully crafted letters.

Bad Dog!

2009-03-10T17:09:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine, Rob at the Futon Revolutionist, asked me about my last post. He asked about what I've called the Omaha Project, something I started in 2007, which I've posted to here: http://theomahaproject.blogspot.com/

The problem, even with that project, is that it lacks a distinctive style. In other words: I definitely have something to say... I'm just not sure how to say it.

Somehow I got lost on the Omaha Project. At first I was doing something a bit different - using lots of motion and boosted the colors in the photos, as in these two:

but along the way I started experimenting with other ways to do the photos, such as infra red, super-saturated landscape shots, details, environmental, wide-angle, telephoto - you name it.

Instead of sticking with my initial idea of using the motion and colors to make something a bit different - I went crazy with other stuff. Again, I had something to say - but my message was cluttered and confused.

Maybe I need to get back to the Omaha Project - one that's full of possibility... and maybe this time I need to stick with a style, edit it tightly, and come up with 25 or 30 images that really define the project and have a cohesive, powerful message.

Maybe it's in the focused development of one style directed toward one message that I can truly find my voice.

No On Red

2009-03-09T18:54:00.000-05:00

What is my photography about?

I wish I knew that answer. The honest answer is: I don't know.

Mostly it's a collection of things I find beautiful in the world. Yet rarely does my photography transcend into the beautiful... rarely does it speak to the viewer.

I have ideas to pursue... realms I've never even explored, but there's an inner voice inside me that is always saying, "no."

Should I start this new project I'd like to work on?

No - it's too cold.

No - it's too late.

No - you're too tired.

No - go play a video game.

No - you're not good enough.

...

The thing is? I am a good photographer. I know what I'm talking about when I talk shop, whether it's the basics on aperture and shutter, or the differences between lenses and their interactions with different digital sensors. I can almost guess what the light meter might say before I even look at it. I can squeeze lots of juice from Photoshop.

Yet I don't really have anything to say... my photography is often pretty - but it's voiceless and random. I'm still a ship sailing without a destination.

I need to figure out where I'm going. Soon.

High ISO Madness

2009-03-08T07:55:00.002-05:00

- Photo by poemfish

My wife took this photo at the end of an event she covered the other night with the new 5D Mark II. This photo would have been nearly impossible without the new camera and the new technology.

A few posts back I talked about the "Is it the photographer or the camera" argument, and this is another good example of it being BOTH.

On the photographer's side, she knew what she was doing. She purposely used the 35mm 1.4L because she trusts the lens and knew the situation would be very dark. Because the ceilings are dark, bouncing the flash off them would suck, and she hates the look of direct flash. She was also able to be in the right spot at the right time. This is a cute moment between friends, after a night of looking at art and running around. My wife recognized the moment, got down to the right spot, and was able to use the right settings to get a good-looking photo.

However, on the camera's side, this photo would have been next to impossible with many other cameras. This shot was taken at 1/100 and f/1.4 - which proves that it was pretty low light - but the amazing thing was that the ISO was set at 6400.

Now - that's pretty incredible. Certainly she might have been able to get to ISO 1600 by slowing down her shutter a few stops - but the chance at camera/subject blur would have been too great, probably cutting down on the sharpness considerably. I also didn't apply any form of noise reduction (except the default in Lightroom 2.3, which I never touch...).

Yet this photo, at ISO 6400, is totally usable. Not to mention I cropped it by around 30% - and I still have enough detail data to make a very impressive full-color print (sometimes you can cheat poor low ISO performance by turning photos into black and white). I printed an 11x14 and the noise is even less noticeable. It looks like an ISO 800 shot in the film days.

So again, it's both the camera and the photographer.

The 5D Mark II opens up new possibilities we didn't have before. We can shoot in situations we would have struggled with previously if shooting in low-light. We can crop more than ever before. We can blow things up more than ever before.

The last gasp

2009-03-05T06:28:00.000-06:00

A few days ago, several inches of snow hit the ground in Omaha in what was probably winter's last major storm (it's already almost gone today as temperatures reach near 60).

I look forward to Spring, as all of us do, as a way to begin things again. There is possibility in Spring.

But... I'll miss winter's quiet, endless beauty. There is nothing quite like a winter storm, and being out in the country as the snow falls around you is full of peaceful, beautiful moments.

I heart fighting...

2009-02-19T19:22:00.000-06:00

The game's called Street Fighter IV.

When I play it, memories flood back to me like a lightning storm. My young days, hanging out with my friends and literally beating the controllers to death.

Video games were the way we bonded. Video games were the way we passed the time. A dozen or so of us regulars never were hooked on anything like we were hooked on Street Fighter II.

We'd stay up late, learning the moves and fighting each other round after round, after round.

We'd read Nintendo Power to learn anything we could. There was no internet to rocket our information across the globe to us in an instant. We hat do EARN our secrets. Our aching thumbs bore the pain of those quests.

This was "back in the day." Before I was a teacher, or even in college, or knew who I even was.

What I was, was a Street Fighter. In video games. Fighting my best friends senseless, yelling at each other and having a blast, our eyes fixated on the glowing TV screen.

These were priceless moments, a much different me, at a much different time in my life.

The photographer... or the camera?

2009-02-15T08:46:00.001-06:00

What's more important... the photographer or the camera? Now, with the rush of insane technological breakthroughs in digital photography happening seemingly from month to month, it's an even more relevant question.

Most people would say it's the photographer. He or she decides the composition, the exposure, and all of that. They know the best times to take the photo they want, and the right lighting condition to use to capture their subject.

It's absolutely true that a great photographer will take better photos than a rookie.

But it's also true that the equipment used is almost as important.

For instance - give two beginning photographers different cameras. One, a point-and-shoot fully automatic $100 camera, and the other a full-frame $3,000 DSLR with a wicked 1.4 lens. Tell them both to photograph a building (even letting the DSLR photographer use auto settings... just to keep things simple), and let them shoot 200 photos. There is no doubt at all that the one with the better camera will come back with the better shots... and in a group of 200 photos, a few of those shots from the DSLR are likely to be VERY good ones. The depth-of-field will be milky and smooth... the colors more rich... the detail more stunning.

I say this as my wife and I ponder buying a new camera. Many would tell us to "just make do with what we have... it's the photographer that makes the picture - not the camera."

But that's not accurate. My wife, as her skills have increased to an absolutely professional level, can do things with the full-frame 5D Mark II she just can't get done with her current 40D's cropped sensor. The Mark II, besides having more megapixels to play with, has astounding low-light capability and is an all around better camera.

She will be able to do things she couldn't do with the other camera - making the whole argument moot. It's both the photographer AND the camera, and when the right camera is put in the hands of a skilled, imaginative, and knowledgeable hands of a photographer, then magic can happen.

The photo above is probably not the greatest example of this concept, but it'll do. First - the camera I used is very nicely weather-sealed. At the time I was shooting that photo, my camera was soaked with melting snow... but it didn't miss a beat. I wouldn't have taken another non-sealed camera out in the same way I did that one (although I could have kept it in a bag and rushed it out for a shot or two... but where's the fun in that?).

I was also able to control the depth-of-field and use a higher ISO setting to get my shutter speed fast enough to stop the action of the falling snow.

All these factors helped me to get the photo that I had pre-visualized. I got the shot I wanted because I had the equipment I needed.

Winter Texture

2009-02-15T08:36:00.000-06:00

A simple shot of branches in a winter storm mixed with a texture of cracked cement. Pretty cool.

Snowy venture

2009-02-14T06:25:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was one of those magical days, although it didn't start out that way. We teachers root for snow days more than the students do, I'd bet. While many of the students secretly long for school to see their friends and to do bad things (just kidding), teachers take snow days as a way to cuddle with loved ones and refresh the "sanity meter."

But even with the coming snow storm, I woke up without a flake on the ground, and not a word about cancellation or early closings on T.V. So I sadly got ready, showered, and was about to walk out the door, my head down in defeat. It was then when I saw I had a voice mail, and realized that they had just canceled school.

Awesome!

So my wife and I got ready, geared up, and took to the countryside, cameras ready to capture the falling snow.

We didn't last too long. It was pretty cold... and even with an all-wheel-drive vehicle, the roads sucked (especially the country roads we wanted to get to). But I got some cool shots anyway.

The photo above is one of my favorites of the day. The amount of pure detail in the photo is staggering - the intricate details of the house are all clear in the full res photo, and the contrasty branches in front create a bit of mystery. It's one of those photos that I thought would suck when I took it - but quickly jumped out at me as one of the best.

Here's one more from the inside of the car looking down a scary looking road...

Today's TTV

2009-02-08T13:59:00.002-06:00

My buddy Zach is going out for the first time to shoot some TTV photos today, and I told him I'd take some shots with him. Even though Zach lives in Chicago, the mind-boggling greatness of the internet makes it possible for us to share our photos within minutes.

This one was one of only two shots I took, behind a local Best Buy store. After, I went inside and bought the Wii Fit for my wife and I to play around with.

Success!

Spring TTV Fever

2009-02-07T13:29:00.000-06:00

It's in the 50's today, and Casey and I spent a few minutes this morning at Zorinsky lake in Omaha. I took about 15 shots, total, but came away with some keepers. Through-the-viewfinder photography is just so freaking cool. Enjoy.

This is who we are...

2009-01-29T07:00:00.000-06:00

Check out this video:

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/chris_jordan_pictures_some_shocking_stats.html

The most powerful part of this talk was near the end, and I quote him here:

Because my belief is that if we can feel these issues… if we can feel these things more deeply, then they will matter to us more than they do now. And if we can find that, then we can find in each one of us what it is that we can find to face the big question, which is: how do we change? That to me is the big question that we face as a people, right now. How do we change as a culture, and how do we each individually take responsibility to the one piece of the solution we are in charge of – and that is our own behavior.

If there are things that we see that we don’t like about our culture… then we have a choice.

… The degree of integrity that each of us can bring to the surface – bring to this question – the depth of character that we can summon as we show up for the question, how do we change,is already defining us as individuals and as a nation. It will continue to do that into the future. It will profoundly effect the well-being and quality of life for billions of people who are going to inherit the results of our decisions.

I keep hearing his words over and over again. They echo through me because his words have more than an ounce of truth in them.

When we look at the world around us, it's almost impossible to decipher the madness. It's very easy to point the finger. Turn on the television and watch Fox News, MSNBC, or any of the political news channels. They blame the Republicans, or the Democrats, or the President, or the previous administration. One person blames our problems on Mexican immigrants while someone else blames it on global warming.

Chris Jordan is asking us to look at ourselves, and I think that's the most powerful and important thing we can do right now.

If I were Obama...

2009-01-28T06:52:00.001-06:00

... I would cancel the 2009-10 school year. I'd make a big announcement, and tell the USA that all public education, for one year, will grind to a halt.

What would the kids do? Service projects in their community. They would gain High School credits for doing them, working with their teachers to keep track of who's doing what, when. They would have to log their hours every week, and participate in discussion groups.

Teachers, meanwhile, would be re-educating themselves. Any teacher that still wants to give notes and lectures all day long will be asked to leave. Stop hurting the kids.

Education would re-focus itself and revitalize itself. Students would have academically rigorous work - but work that deals with community issues and problems we face today. Instead of doing a "research paper" on homelessness and being done with it, stating bland facts and weak pleas "something has to be done!" - the students would get out there and work with homeless shelters and write academic papers that includes their own personal experience.

Rows of desks would be gone, because this new type of education doesn't work like a factory. We're not asking everyone to be the same.

More than anything the students would be challenged to find themselves, to make sense of the world... and be a part of it.

Suddenly, those sleepy eyes just might, in the hands of a capable and challenging teacher, wake up and take notice. Perhaps, the failing students without hope in the world would find their way and see their potential.

This world is so nearly broken. We have been doing the same things in education since the beginning of the trade. Notes. Worksheets. Tests.

It just doesn't work, so let's fix it.

Let's throw the whole thing out the window and try something different.

If I were Obama - that's what I'd do.

Pushing forward

2009-01-22T11:25:00.000-06:00

I've been fearing this blog.

Fearing that it's too much pressure for me to continue - not that I have thousands of readers (I have, probably, like five!) - but simply because, when I made it, I really wanted to set a new tone for my life, with these concepts at the core: Every day is an opportunity, not a set of obstacles to overcome. Each moment is one where we can choose a new path, if it's needed.

The photo included on the blog is an example. Although one could choose to see it as a desolate and lonely landscape, I choose to see something more beautiful. I see the past in this photo, the remnants of a forgotten place, as a serene space where one can feel more part of the land. Art, or the way we view art, is also a choice. We can be cynical. We can be be inspired. We can become angry.

The more I think about the world and my place in it, the more I realize that the direct choices I make, from the groceries I buy to the way I choose to deal with exhaustion, helps shape my path.

I used to collapse on the couch after school, my mental exhaustion feeding my physical shutdown. However, I've found that I can, amazingly, choose a different way to deal with it.

It's not always easy. It doesn't always work... but I'm finding my way and doing my best to face each moment more bravely.

Forgotten

2009-01-05T15:59:00.000-06:00

This photo was one of thousands I haven't really looked at. Sometimes I take so many photos, it's difficult to really give each one a chance to stand out on its own. This reminds me that I sometimes have to slow down and really get into the process of capturing images, instead of just taking pictures...

Five things to found a blog on...

2009-01-02T14:41:00.001-06:00

I'm now living in the moment - good or bad - and treasuring the moments I have - each one will never come again.

I am focusing on the good in the world - in my life, and in others, and I am not caught up with negativity.

I no longer get bogged down with unimportant things.

I live a healthier mental and physical life - one filled with books and creativity, with eating well and exercising.

I have opened up the creative energy inside me. The artist - the writer - the photographer - the person. I am sharing this creative energy with my wife, and this world of creativity will open new roads for us to travel - together.